steering_wheel

I would venture to say that a lot of stress is caused by trying to control things, people, and circumstances that are out of our control.  There are few things more stressful than attempting to control what we lack the power to control.

The Root Of Control

Control is a response to whatever you are afraid of.  Control is fear management.

If you’re afraid that something is going to happen to you, you can try to control the situation, so that whatever you’re afraid of doesn’t happen.

If you’re afraid that people won’t like you, you can try to control the way people see you, doing the best you can to hide what may cause others to dislike you, while accentuating or exaggerating what makes you more likeable.

Control is the way we serve the god we’re trusting in.  When we’re seemingly in control, our god is pleased and we’re happy, but when our attempts at controlling things fall flat, our god’s requirements aren’t met, and we get stressed.  If you worship what people think of you, then controlling how you appear to others is your service to your god.

If you find yourself stressed out trying to control something that is uncontrollable, ask yourself what you are afraid of?

What Fear Points To

How does one figure out what god they are trusting in?

Jon Foreman sings in one of his songs that “you can tell what you trust, by the things that you fear”.  Your fear reveals where your trust lies.

Using our previous example, if you are afraid of people not liking you, then you are trusting in your ability to be liked.

The reason the gods we put our trust in cause us so much fear and stress is because they can’t be trusted or controlled.

If I don’t believe that the God I profess is trustworthy and in control, I will seek to replace Him with the best god I can come up with to do the job.  Usually it’s ourself that becomes the replacement.

I think for most of us, the choice to replace God with ourselves as the object of our trust is not because we actually believe that we are necessarily a good option.  It’s more that we believe we are the only option.  The accumulated disappointment in our inadequate view of God and our accurate view of fallen people, has forced us to trust in the only thing left: ourselves.

Therein lies the problem and the solution.

Trusting God

I believe that one of the main reasons that most people are trusting in themselves is because they don’t really in their heart of hearts believe that they are loved by God.  Brennan Manning said that “you will trust to the degree that you know that you are loved”.

Do you really believe that God loves you?  Do you really believe that he is for you and not against you (Rom 8:31)?  Do you really believe that God works all things for the good of those who love him (Rom 8:28)?

“You’ll trust to the degree that you know that you are loved.”

Some people believe that God loves them but they don’t believe that God is in control.  A god who is not in control is a god who cannot be trusted, no matter how loving he may be.

If I don’t really believe that God is in control then I’m left trusting and hoping in my self to control.

That’s stressful.

It’s stressful because even the strongest, most capable people can’t control everything.

Rest happens when you are free to let go of trying to control what you can’t, because you’re safe in the arms of the God who’s in control of everything, and you know that he’s loving and good.

The more you trust, the less you fear, and the less you feel the need to control things, people, and circumstances.

That’s good news.

“We know and rely on the love God has for us.” (1 John 4:16 NIV)

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headphones

This is a sermon I gave at Bellicose Church on May 19th, 2013.

Here’s an overview:

Leaving Childish Ways To Become A Man

From 1 Cor 13:11, 16:13:

  1. Speaking
  2. Thinking
  3. Reasoning
  4. Acting

Be Strong & Couragious

  1. Moses – Deut 31:6,7,23
  2. Joab – 1 Chron 19:13 (Using strength for God’s glory and people’s good)
  3. David – 1 Kings 2:1-2
  4. Joshua – Josh 1:6-9
  5. Job – Job 38:3, 40:7 (Like a man)

Man Stages

  1. BE a man
  2. CONFRONT other men
  3. LEAD other men

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In second Corinthians nine, Paul talks about money using an example of a farmer planting seed.

I want to point out seven, very practical, very important lessons about money from this text.

1) There are two purposes for seed.

This first point is a very important point.  You can’t be a successful farmer without recognizing and following both purposes for the seed that God provides (2 Cor 9:10).  Some seed has to be used for making bread so that a farmer can eat, and some seed has to be sowed so that there will be more seed for the future.

The same is true of money.  God gives money for living (like food/bread) and enjoyment (1 Tim 6:17), and he also gives money to “sow” or give to God.

Is some of your money set aside for giving and some for daily needs?

2) God is specific about how much to give without giving specific numbers.

He starts off by saying that “whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows bountifully will also reap bountifully  (2 Cor 9:6).  But how much should we give?  He doesn’t give a number.  He lays out guidelines (2 Cor 9:7) and then tells us what he loves:

  • Each one must give as he has decided in his heart
  • Each one must not give reluctantly or under compulsion
  • God loves a cheerful giver

If we don’t give – we’re disobeying.  If we do give but the motive’s wrong – we’re disobeying.  So how do we do it right?  We remember that God loves a cheerful giver.

3) If you give you’ll have more than enough.

Two of the biggest lies in giving are that you can’t give anything because you don’t have enough or if you do give you won’t have enough.  Both are false.  Paul says that “God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that having all sufficiency in all things at all times, you may abound in every good work.” (2 Cor 9:8)

  • All grace abounding
  • All sufficiency
  • All things
  • All times
  • Abounding in every good work

Wow.  That’s pretty inclusive

4) God will multiply your seed and increase your righteousness harvest.

When we give/sow, God multiplies our seed/money for sowing and increases the harvest of our righteousness.  So God multiplies the harvest (more seed/money) produced from the initial seed we sowed, and of that harvest he increases the amount of seed/money for sowing/giving.

He gives us more money for giving.  This is especially awesome considering the fact that there’s more pleasure in giving than receiving (Acts 20:35).

5) God enriches us for the purpose of being generous in every way.

Paul says that “you will be enriched in every way to be generous in every way” (2 Cor 9:11).  Our enrichment goes beyond just money.  He promises to enrich us for the purpose of generousity in every way – not just one way, not many ways, but every way.

6) Giving results in supplying needs, thanksgiving, and God being glorified.

And if all that wasn’t good enough, the end result is the needs of the saints supplied, many thanksgivings to God, and God being glorified (2 Cor 9:12-13) fulfilling God’s command in 1 Cor 10:31: “whatever you do, do all to the glory of God”, and the purpose for which we were created (Is 43:7).

7) Giving is part of the submission that comes from confessing the Gospel.

Anyone can confess with their lips the gospel of Christ, but true belief in one’s heart will produce a life submitted to God (2 Cor 9:13), including one’s finances, in cheerful generosity.  Paul calls this “the surpassing grace of God upon you” (2 Cor 9:14) and gives thanks for this “inexpressible gift” (2 Cor 9:15).

Conclusion

Are you taking part in this “inexpressible gift” of giving (sowing)?  Or are you settling only for the lesser pleasure of receiving?

Submitting to God in cheerful generosity is really living and God loves it.  Do it and be blessed.

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jackson_katz

The following is a 19 minute video of Jackson Katz, Ph.D speaking at TEDxFiDiWomen.  The talk is entitled “Violence & Silence”.  He does a great job fighting for women and children as a man in his talk.  He addresses the real problem with violence in this country: men.

You can watch the video below and then I add a few thoughts at the end of this post.

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I want to comment on the following three points he brought up.

1) Men Are The Problem

Men are the problem.  As John Bryson said, ”Gender is the single biggest predictor of crime.”  The vast majority of violent crimes are committed by males.

Men are the ones abusing children.  Men are the ones raping women.  Men are the ones beating women and children.  It’s men.

In order to fix the problem we need to focus on the cause of the problem: men.  And the answer isn’t to write off men.  The answer isn’t independence from men.  The answer is healthy, biblically masculine men.

Men need to know the truth from God about what it looks like to be a man and to act like a man. Then they need to act on it.  They need to be men and they need to act like men. (1 Cor 16:13)

If we change the men, we’ll change the world.

Do you know what it looks like to be a man?  Are you being and acting like a man?

2) Men Need To Confront Other Men

In the video he speaks of the silent bystander who laughs at the inappropriate joke, or acts like he didn’t hear what he heard, rather than confronting the other male.

Men need to be confronted.  Honestly, most men love to be challenged, but unfortunately very few are.  It takes courage to confront another man.

I love the quote he brought up from Martin Luther King Jr.:

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.

I believe there are a lot of men who would love to be the men that they know they should be, but they don’t know how or don’t have the courage to do so.  They are waiting for a man to challenge them. Will you be that man?

3) Men Need To Lead Other Men Well

I agree with Jackson, that this is primarily a leadership issue.  Where are the fathers, mentors, coaches, teachers, and other leaders challenging men to be men and teaching them how to do it? Where are the leaders who are teaching men how to treat women, how to be married, how to be single, how to love a wife, how to treat women and children?

What’s keeping you from being a leader to men?

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Four Types Of Parents

May 10, 2013 — 6 Comments

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I’ve had the chance to spend time with a lot of young families in the last thirteen years since my wife and I started having kids.  I’ve observed four different types of parents:

1) Parents Who Don’t Discipline

There are some parents who refuse to use “the rod” of discipline on their children.  Most have replaced the rod of discipline with time-outs, counting to 3 (still haven’t figured that one out yet), yelling, ignoring, or giving the child the freedom to figure it out on his own. I would venture to believe that almost every parent would say that they love their kids.  But the bible has a different word for parents who “spare the rod”: hate.  ”Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.” (Prov 13:24)

2) Parents Who Discipline For The Wrong Reasons

Some parents do discipline their kids, but the reason they do it is because they are irritated, inconvenienced, embarrassed, or offended.  This type of parenting is punitive, rather than corrective.  Often times this type of parenting becomes abusive.  A parent has no right to punish their kids.  A parent’s job is to discipline their kids.

Disciplining out of irritation, inconvenience, embarrassment, or offense, teaches children that the problem is between child and parent, rather than child and God.  It’s ultimately God who is disobeyed and dishonored when your child disobeys and dishonors you and the way we discipline as parents should teach this.

If parents make the problem a problem between parent and child then they’re indirectly teaching their kids that they can do whatever they want, as long as it doesn’t bother the parent.  They’re teaching that it’s wrong if it annoys the parent, but not wrong if the parent is able to tolerate it.  A perfect example of this is when a child is throwing a tantrum because they did not get what they want and the parent tells the child to go scream and cry in their room, “so I don’t have to listen to you”.  Although this may eventually end the tantrum; it doesn’t address the heart or teach the child their need for the gospel.

3) Parents Who Discipline To Correct Wrong Behavior

Some parents discipline their kids to correct them and to teach them the difference between right and wrong while failing to set healthy boundaries.  This type of parent disciplines their child when they physically hurt another child, steal another child’s toy, or say something mean to another child.  However they don’t discipline a child for throwing food on the floor, whining, or for climbing all over the furniture.  Why?  Because the bible teaches not to steal, hurt others, or be mean to others, but it doesn’t say anything about throwing food on the floor, whining, or climbing on furniture.  Although this type of parenting may teach a child to a certain degree the difference between right and wrong; it won’t teach them authority.

The truth is that right and wrong is determined by authority.  It doesn’t exist outside of authority.  If authority isn’t taught along side right and wrong, then whatever right and wrong is taught can easily be dismissed out of a lack of respect for the authority that says it’s right or wrong (in this case, the parent) or establishes right and wrong (God).  A parent’s job is not just to teach right and wrong, but authority as well.

4) Parents Who Discipline To Correct And Teach Authority

Biblical parenting involves lovingly disciplining one’s children in a way that teaches children that being disobedient and dishonoring to them as parents is wrong because it is disobedient and dishonoring to God himself.  This type of parenting involves a great deal of self control during times of irritation, inconvenience, embarrassment, and offense, to keep the issue between God and child.  This type of parenting is corrective, not punitive and abusive.  It involves a greater level of consistency that teaches children that something is true not just sometimes, but all the time, because God has said it’s true, and not because it happens to inconvenience the parent at the time.

Biblical parenting is careful to establish rules and boundaries for a child’s good and the well being of others and the home, teaching children to be under authority.  This is so that they learn to submit to God, teachers, bosses, coaches, and other authority figures, and so that they continue to believe what the bible says about right and wrong long after they leave their parents house.  This is only possible if they’ve learned to respect and appreciate the authority of the one who establishes right and wrong, God himself.

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Lazy Boys

May 6, 2013 — 5 Comments

couch_boy

la·zy [ley-zee] adjective - averse or disinclined to work, activity, or exertion

Laziness is an enemy of true authentic manhood.  It works against everything a man is called to be and do. True men aren’t lazy.

The following are six areas where a man needs to fight laziness.

Starting And Finishing

Laziness keeps a man from starting and/or finishing.  Men are called to do great exploits.  No one has ever done anything great without first starting. You can’t finish what you haven’t started.

What project or task are you responsible for or have you committed to that you haven’t started yet? Start it.  No more procrastinating.  Don’t make excuses.  Don’t be lazy.  Be a man.

What project or task have you started but you haven’t finished?  Are you a good starter but a lousy finisher?  Stop avoiding.  Be responsible.  Don’t be lazy.  Finish the job like a man.

Work

As we saw in the definition above, laziness is averse or disinclined to work.  A lazy boy avoids work at all costs.  A man is eager to work.  He works hard.  He knows that works existed in a world without sin (Gen 2:5,15) and that a man is called to work.

Boys only want to play, men work.  Are you a hard worker?  Do you have a job?  Are you willing to work a job you don’t like, if it’s necessary to provide for your family?  A lazy boy is not willing to sacrifice. He does the least required to make the bare minimum.  A man works heartily (Col 3:23). Work hard. Don’t be lazy.

Keeping And Cultivating

A lazy boy only does something if it’s fun.  Laziness lets things go.  A lazy boy drops the ball and is unreliable.  A man keeps what has been given to him to be responsible for, going well and running smoothly.

It’s easy to plant a garden, it’s another thing to keep and cultivate a garden.  It’s easy and fun to impregnate a woman.  It’s a lot of work and responsibility to raise children.  A man can be counted on to keep and to cultivate what he’s responsible for.

What “gardens” of your life have you let go?  Are you faithful in the little?  Can you keep your room clean?  How’s your personal hygiene?  Can you keep a job or a promise?  Or are you lazy?  Be a man.  Keep up and cultivate what God has given you to be responsible for.

Lazy Eyes And Hands

A lazy boy lets his eyes wander.  A man is not lazy with his eyes.  It takes deliberate intentionality to stay focused on the right things.  When a man gets lazy with his eyes, a little compromise here and there, he eventually finds his whole body full of darkness (Luke 11:34).

Lazy eyes are lustful eyes.  Are you lazy on the internet, watching TV, at the mall, the beach, or standing in the checkout line of a grocery store?  A man is the glory of God (1 Cor 11:7).  Be like Job who made a covenant with his eyes not to look at a woman lustfully (Job 31:1 NIV).

A lazy boy is lazy with his hands.  He uses his hands to take, harm, or touch inappropriately.  How are you using your hands?  Are you masturbating, fornicating, or clicking on porn sites.  Be a man. Use your hands to bless, to give, to protect, to work.  Use your hands like a man, to the glory of God.

Fighting For Women

A lazy boy comes home from work and only thinks of himself.  He’s too lazy to fight for his wife or to find a wife.  Instead he substitutes fighting for a women with fighting in a video game, surfing the internet, checking sports scores on his phone, watching TV, or fantasy football. A man comes home from work and no matter how tired he is, he saves his wife’s day (Eph 5:23).  He washes his wife with the word, or gets in the word so that when he gets a wife some day he can wash her with the word from his heart.

Single guys, it’s not good for you to be alone (Gen 2:18).  Are you being lazy and putting off becoming a man that can love a women and provide for a family or are you pursuing maturity as a man?  Married men, you won your women’s heart and made her your wife.  Are you still winning her heart now that you’ve been married for a while?  Don’t be lazy.  Be a man.

Leadership

A lazy boy avoids leadership because it’s too costly.  It demands too much sacrifice.  He’d rather criticize than contribute.  A man courageously sacrifices for the good of others.  A man takes risks and solves problems.  Are you leading like a man?

Are you following the culture, or leading it?  Are you leading in purity, creativity, thoughts, and ideas?  Are you leading at your job, in your church, and in your neighborhood?  Are you spiritually, physically, and financially leading your wife and kids?  When you and your wife are both around are you leading in consistently disciplining your kids or are you being lazy?  Are you instructing your wife and kids in the Lord or are you being lazy?  Don’t be lazy.  Lead like a man.

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The following is the sermon audio for ten different messages I preached for a series called “Reigning In Life”. The series was based on the following verse:

For if, because of one man’s trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ. – Rom 5:17

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Click here to listen in iTunes.

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